On Harvey Weinberg

Mr Harvey Weinberg has been in the news this week.  As a result of accusations of sexual harassment he has been left by his wife and has been removed from a position on the board of the Oscars, and other companies with whom he is associated.

While I am appalled and shocked at his reported behaviour, I also find myself somewhat in sympathy with him.

His reported behaviour sounds extreme.  He is said to have grabbed women and attempted and forced kisses.  He has met women on invitation to his rooms near or naked.  He appears not have understood when No has been voiced.  He appears to have succeeded in forcing himself on young actresses eager for his professional approval.

Of course this is extreme, and beyond normal social behaviour.  It sounds every bit as bad as the reported behaviour of president Trump, with whom he appears to have had a friendship.  It is sexual harassment, requiring sexual favours in return, perhaps, for some preference in an acting career.

This has of course long been the rumour of the Hollywood scene.  Young starlets were often thought to be bedded by their producers or agents.  There may be some truth to that, perhaps, now confirmed by the actions of Harvey, and the belated reports of many victims.

But there is always innuendo in the dealings of men with women.  Flirting depends on getting a reaction one from and of the other.  Without flirting there would be very few healthy relationships.  Flirting may even be the first or early steps in courting.  If the reactions are reciprocated, and deemed mutual, then indeed things may progress, fairly and legitimately.  Most of us when rebuffed, concede, and move one.  Once however flirting is pushed repeatedly and without reciprocation it becomes harassment.

My sympathy stems from an understanding of basic male and female biology.  We both have the same fundamental biological drives: We need to reproduce.  Our hormones constantly drive us in this direction.  We choose to manage that drive of course in the interests of a stable society.  Because of the imbalance in our reproductive roles – males have a very brief involvement in fertilisation, but females bear the long gestation, we have adopted societal standards that tend to dictate monogamy.  Not evidently always with great success.

Males are hunters; females are hunted.  And whether married or not, the urge in men continues throughout life to find other partners.  Its not necessarily conscious.  Nor is it in women either.  But its there, it does after all take two to tango.  How else explain that many extramarital affairs occur.  How else explain much of what we see in contemporary culture, western at least, where freedom is worshipped, including the freedom to flaunt one’s talents, both female and male.

Perhaps also my sympathy stems from similar misdemeanours of my own.  Sexual harassment is not only the fault of those high and mighty.  It affects all of us, and many of us are guilty.  I am, and eternally grateful to those women who I attempted to force myself on that they had the guts to say no.  Harassment is like bullying: It can never be tolerated.

None of this condones what Harvey Weinstein has done.  Nor the actions of others similarly caught doing what many of us dream of – what are pinups after all but dreams, but manage to control ourselves within the norms of society.

In some circles, male exclusively, it has been said that, “No means maybe, and maybe means yes.”  But our respect for women requires us to recognise that No is always No.  If we learn anything from Harvey, it must be that we need to honour their wishes.